Our First Year of Preschool

Being a teacher, I thought I had the whole school thing all figured out. I was overly excited to be on the other side of the coin and be a parent of a student. Of course, I had all the emotions of excitement and worry, wondering how my girl was going to do in school academically, socially, and emotionally. As a parent, I had to learn how to trust that teacher could manage everything seamlessly and that she knew what she was doing with a class full of 3 and 4 year olds. It wasn't always easy to give up that control.

We had many ups and downs our first year of preschool - some of which I was prepared and others that were very unexpected.

Up

The school and teacher have created such a great love of learning in my daughter. I couldn’t be more pleased that she has this positive foundation of learning set early on. She’s happy to go to school and happy to talk about school.

Down

It’s a lot harder getting a kid to school in the morning than I thought it would be. Making sure I’m dressed (maybe showered), the baby’s dressed and fed, the school kid is dressed, fed, teeth brushed, hair brushed, has all her stuff and that we’re on time, because we CANNOT miss the morning song, feels like quite the feat. Drop off is almost anticlimactic with all that leads up to getting to school looking presentable. I almost look around for a high five for all I did to make getting to school on time happen.

Up

She’s learned a lot! She can cut shapes. She knows her shapes. She draws people. She tells you about her drawings. She knows so many songs. She can recognize her name. She can count and knows her colors and so much more!

Down

She’s been sick A LOT! And, not just a cold here and there, but illness that have had us in the ER multiple times and have resulted in blood tests, chest x-rays, shots, antibiotics, breathing treatments, and inhalers. Illnesses that have started right as one ended, so it seems like months of coughs, runny noses, and fevers. We’re hoping this just means a super strong immune system for next year!

Up

We’ve learned a lot! We’ve learned that our girl is going to cry at school and that’s ok. Her teacher has handled tears quite masterfully. She’s also reassured us that it’s ok that our girl is sensitive. It’s part of what makes her HER!

Down

She cries often at school. Luckily, it doesn’t seem to take away from her day, but it’s been a common question, “Did you cry at school today?”

Followed  by, “Yes, because the boys said my building was pirate ship, but it was a castle.”

At first I felt so embarrassed, but as I mentioned above, her teacher reassured us that our girl mostly always seemed happy at school and the tears were short-lived and part of her learning.

Up

She’s made a lot of friends. We learned she has a best friend who is a boy, who she calls her person. She’s a good friend to all, which warms our hearts.

Down

We’ve had to deal with “Elizabeth* and the Mean Girl”. Our girl loves to play with everyone and it was hard for her to handle being rejected by kids who didn’t want to play with her. It was hard for us to see her struggle and not be able to do much about it, besides lots of talks and hugs.

Up

Celebrating the holidays is magnified by school. All the school activities leading up to holidays, just helped our girl understand that something special was coming up. I can’t express how much joy her Christmas program brought me.

Down

Celebrating the holidays is magnified by school. Yes, I meant to type that twice. Valentine’s Day, for example, was so much work! Making the cards and treats for her class really wasn’t as fun as I imagined it would be. Celebrating her birthday at school was also more work and money than anticipated. It was news to  me that the birthday kid brought treats for the other kids in her class, in addition to the cupcakes to share with her classmates during snack time.

Through all the ups and downs, it has definitely been worth it. It’s been an important learning experience for us all and has been good preparation for all that is to come with having a school age kid. Working out the logistics of being ready for the school day was a challenge. Helping her navigate friendships tugged at my heart. I learned that she can handle herself apart from me (thanks to a patient teacher and supportive school) and that's both reassuring and bittersweet. We all worked hard to make this school year a success and I’m sure that's going to make summer shine even brighter!

What My Second Born Has Taught Me

What My Second Born Has Taught Me

After celebrating my second born’s first birthday, it has me reflective on this past year. True, I learned a lot with my first born. It was a crash course in parenting. No amount of babysitting or reading really prepared me for life as a mom.  I’m thankful for that because even though it’s the hardest job, it’s also the best, and that’s something I would never really understand without living it. Interestingly enough, much of parenting the second time around has also felt like a crash course, but a crash course that I knew I was getting into.

So here are some things my sweet littlest love has taught me:

1. Just because I had 3 years under my belt raising one girl, didn’t mean I knew everything about raising kids or even girls for that matter.

Because, of course, in life’s normal fashion, what went right with our first born, doesn’t work with our second born. While we relied a lot on car rides to help with naptime with our first, our second screamed in terror in her carseat for about the first 8 months of her life. While our first never gave us any issue with diaper or clothing changes, our second writhes in feigned pain anytime we attempt to change her diaper or clothes. I learned the hard way that we had to hold her hands back while changing a poop diaper, because she will grab and throw.

Luckily, there are other opposites that make life a bit easier. Our first born only took a bottle for about 6 months and during those 6 months would only drink about 3 oz while I worked a full day, causing me a lot of anxiety. Our second born took to a bottle quite easily and drinks every ounce that I pump at work.

It might seem silly to not have expected so many differences, but I can’t deny that I didn’t go into parenting the second time around more confident. Their differences have definitely kept us on our toes and taught us that one of the things you can count on the most in parenting is having very little control in the grand scheme of things and that brings me to my next lesson.

2. She is her own person.

Well, obviously, right? Only I didn’t realize how soon she would show me and demand her own role in our family. While my first born is a sensitive soul with an easy going temperament, this second born is feisty and commanding. It’s really a great reminder that there’s no formula for raising kids, even for same gender kids. Being fair and equitable is giving each kid what they need and supporting each in their own interests.

It makes things both exciting and exhausting. How fun to see what each girls’  interest may be and how their personalities develop! And, how will we keep up when their interests pull them and us in different directions?!

3. I can be both redeemed and challenged at the same time.

It’s hard when important things don’t go according to the plan you had in your head and it always feels good to get that second chance to try again and be better the next time. I find that relates a lot to having multiple children. Very notably was the birth of my first born. Her birth didn’t go the way I had “planned” it in my head. Although, we were very fortunate and everything turned out perfect in the end, it hung over my head. I regretted getting an epidural, however, I see now, how much more of a peaceful birth I had with it. With my second, I had hoped I could make it through labor and delivery all natural. Well, a couple hours into my labor, and I was demanding an epidural. My sweet girl came so fast, though, that I didn’t have time for one and was able to have the birth I had hoped for. True, she herself had little control over that situation, but her birth healed me. She gave me my “do over”. I get to be better with not just her, but her sister as well. She is my reminder that life isn’t cut and dry. We can try again each day and each moment.

So even with the lessons learned from my first and the redemption I feel in getting this second chance, I’m still constantly challenged. My husband and I are still trying to figure out the best way to parent two kids and still be more than just a co-parent, but life partners. I find it more difficult to balance work and home life now that I have two children.  I’m plagued with the guilt that my first born lost something special when her sister was born. She lost our undivided attention, which is a struggle for her at times, and I feel my heart break when I see her sadness or frustration. My second born never received our undivided attention because she was born into a pre-made family. Even though it will be all she will ever know, I feel sad that she missed out on those sweet moments we had with our first. I used to just stare at my first born as I nursed her. Now, I’m holding and nursing my second born with one arm and with other I’m helping my toddler to wipe herself after she goes #2 in the potty, which brings me to my fourth lesson.

4. It is possible to sweat all day long.

Sometimes almost literally juggling two kids, I’m the picture definition of a hot mess, and by “hot’, I mean sweaty, red-faced, and out of breath. If one is playing independently, the other wants to be with me, and I mean, on me in some sort of state of wiggle. If one sees two of us having fun, she must come and join in (which I love, but often requires a lot of maneuvering kid bodies on my part). If the baby just fell asleep in my arms, the toddler needs me in the bathroom. If the toddler needs some special attention, the baby is digging in the dirt of our potted plants. And, all those are just times when we’re in the house!

Packing for two to leave the house and on a schedule, has me in a sprint most of the time. Stroller pushing, baby wearing, hip carrying, hand holding, double arm carrying - all have me in a sweat - and really strong!

Only, I’ve never been more happy to be so sweaty. Sure, I’d love a little space now and again, but as I’ve been told, this time is so fleeting and I will miss it. Through all the sweat and multi-tasking, I love it. I love being with them and I love that they want to be with me, which brings me to my last point (and I know it’s not even close to my last lesson).  

5. There is no limit on love.

When I was pregnant with my second born, I fretted and cried worrying that I wouldn’t love her as much as I love my first born. I couldn’t imagine being able to give or feel any more love. My heart was already so full. Thankfully, my worry was for nothing.

I guess there is no capacity limit to our hearts, because with the addition to our family, my love also grew. She was like a missing puzzle to our family and now that she’s here, she completes us. Instantly, both girls have the ability to fill me with light. Truly they are my sunshine, both of them, not one more than the other. And, I can’t give an example or cute anecdote showing this, because it’s just a feeling that must be felt.  I do and will always love them both until no end with all of my heart.

Photo by Michelle Ramirez http://mramirezphotography.com/