Living with Regret

Many people say they live their lives with no regrets, but not me. I want to live with regret. To me regret means to feel bad about something we did or didn't do, which I think is important. Sure, after we initially feel bad and make amends with ourselves and/or others, I believe it's critical to move on. However, doesn't the initial feeling of regret, push us to change the situation or change ourselves?

I'm reminded of this life philosophy with the passing of my dear friend, Diane Skaer. It's difficult to even write that sentence with her name in it. She was first my mentor in our careers and soon became my friend. She was funny, cheerful, smart, sincere, down-to-earth, humble, and loving (to list a few of the characteristics that made up this beautiful soul). People say she had an infectious smile and laugh and they are correct.

She suffered from a terrible cancer. The cancer and the treatment weakened her body, but not her spirit. She was a true inspiration. In the face of a life threatening disease, she openly shared her suffering and her fears. Her courageous honesty, inspired me to be brave in my own struggles. Seeing her continuously fight to live reminded me to let go of the petty life inconveniences and focus on my blessings. Understandably so, the recent passing of her father, weakened her spirit. And eventually Diane's body lost the fight to survive.

I'm happy she no longer has to fight to live and is now at peace. Selfishly, I'm sad for myself. I'm sad I didn't get to see her one last time. I'm disappointed that I didn't get to tell her one last time how lucky I am to be able to call her my friend. I regret that I didn't spend more time with her. I know I could have been a better friend. It is with this regret, that Diane continues to inspire me.

I'm regretful for the lack of time I had with Diane and for all I never got to tell her. From this regret, I'm inspired to be a better friend, wife, sister, daughter, mother, teacher, person. I'll actually be physically there when my friends or family need me. I'll say the important things, like, "I love you" "I'm sorry" and "I forgive you". I'll let go of the unimportant things like jealousy and insecurity. I know I won't be able to do this all the time. I'll falter. However, the memory of Diane will always remind me to try again.

I'm thankful for this regret, because it will make me better. I thank God for placing Diane in my life. I thank Diane for her friendship, love, and inspiration.

In order: me, Melissa, and Diane